Bad Times
by Vixie Bing
Summary: [Epiloge now up] The past comes back to haunt Chandler but is he prepared to handle it? warning: slight violent theme.
1. Remembering

Hi this ones about Chandler (naturally) and its just a little something (well ok a HUGE something) about his past and what happens when it comes back to haunt him. Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: if I did own these character you wouldn't know about them he he. I would keep the locked in my basement!!!! (Not that I have a basement)  
  
  
  
My life has not been easy. Ever since I was little I had to work harder then I ever thought I could. When I was just three years old I had to help my older sister to get the shopping from the car. There wasn't a lot. We were too poor to afford a lot of things but she had just had her arm broken so she needed help. I wasn't even meant to be doing it. I wouldn't of in any other circumstances but this seemed wrong. Her arm was broken because my dad got drunk again. She had woken up when he got home and he came in to our room. He stumbled over to her bed and she took his arm to try and help him back up. He took her arm and broke it easily like a twig. That same man was now sitting in his chair and watching evening TV. My sister was only six but she had to do most of the work in the house because mom wouldn't do anything if she didn't feel like it. Which she never did. She worked nights (she told us it was at the 24 hour laundermatt but rumours at my sisters school said it was on street corners) and so my sister had to do almost everything on her own. I wasn't aloud to help because I was still just a 'baby'.  
  
'Lizzie, let me take that, you'll hurt your arm more.' I said, taking a slightly heavy bag from the boot of the car. It was too heavy for me and I dropped it. The bottle of milk smashed instantly, as did a few eggs, all of things ruined the bread and my dads' cigarettes. I knew instantly that I was in trouble. I was only grateful that it wasn't any alcohol. Then I would be dead.  
  
'Chandler! Oh my God look at it. Oh Dad will be really mad now.' Lizzie frowned and looked up at me suddenly. 'Quick go inside. I'll say it was me.' I think she was hoping dad wouldn't be mad at her because of the broken arm. No such luck. Dad came storming out, grabbed me round the waist and dragged me back indoors, leaving Lizzie alone and terrified for my safety on the pavement outside. She knew what I had coming now. When my dad was drunk all bets were off to what he might do. I didn't know this though. I saw him hit my mum and sister sometimes, but he never touched me. I think maybe I was his favourite. Now I know I was wrong. For dropping the bag, my little body was beaten 'till it was black and blue and bloody, and I was locked in the airing cupboard for the next two days without any food. Not something a three year old should have to face.  
  
'Chandler?' the voice bought me out of my memories and back to reality. I was in my office. The voice was my assistants. 'Doug wanted to see you in his office strait away.' Then she left. I sighed. It was the annual report, I knew it. I thought I'd be very lucky if I didn't get fired this time. It wasn't my fault thought; I had a cold all last week. I sighed as I got up and went to my boss' office.  
  
'You wanted to see me sir?' I asked. Doug looked at me with a serious look on his face that didn't belong. Whenever I had seen Doug he was always laughing, joking and was generally happy and you could get away with anything. This time seemed different.  
  
'Shut the door behind you Chandler.' He said and I did so.  
  
  
  
'Hey babe what's up?' Phoebe asked me as I walked in. I didn't answer her and walked strait to my bedroom. Throwing myself down on the bed I stared at the ceiling wondering why bad things always happened to me. My thoughts wandered back to that night.  
  
  
  
It was my second day in the airing cupboard. I was starving, scared and confused. I didn't realise that dropping the groceries was that bad. Lizzie came by to see me, comfort me and once to slip some food to me. I thought I was going to be in there forever when my mom came in and dragged me out. She placed me in front of my dad and asked what I had to say for myself. I felt really bad; I hadn't meant to drop the bag. I was trying to help. Of course when I told him that he just sneered and pushed me away so that he could stare at the TV. I went up to my room sensing it was the right thing to do. I shared the room with Lizzie and she was there then. When she saw me she burst out crying and ran over to hug me. It was only then when I saw my reflection. I stared at it for ages. The boy staring back at me, that couldn't be me, could it? It was a blackened, bruised person, already skinny and weak looking even worse now. I was shaking and terrified. It was then that I learned of my fathers drunken power, how to obey him and follow every order I was given. I tried to make sure this would never happen again and was on my best behaviour. I told all this to Lizzie but she just stared at me and gave a small, sad laugh.  
  
'It won't work Chandler honey, trust me. I've tried it; when he's drunk, well, just stay out of his way ok? I'll do my best to protect you babe.' I followed her advice but still did everything I could to stay out of trouble. But when you're only three it's unavoidable.  
  
  
  
'Chandler, the girls are going to watch a film, you coming?' Phoebes voice came through the door. I listened to it and replayed her sweet voice in my head. Oh how she sounded like Lizzie. I didn't answer and she must have thought I was asleep because she went away. Half an hour later I got up and went out in to the kitchen. Joey had gone out on a date and was left alone. I went over to the drawer and pulled put a sharp knife. As I ran it across my hand I watched as the red blood came oozing out. I smiled with satisfaction that I was in control of the pain now. Endorphins rushed through my body naturally to help me mentally deal with the 'trauma' of the situation. I barley noticed it. With all the pain my dad caused me for years I became desensitised to it.  
  
I move the knife over my arms, causing more and more pain, everything becoming less and less important to the pain I was inflicting on myself. I walked over to the sink and ran the water until it was boiling hot and then stuck my arm under it. I screamed out in pain as it reached my open wounds and wallowed in the felling afterwards. That was the feeling I was addicted to now.  
  
Suddenly the door flew open I was standing face to face with Monica. As she stared at me grief filled my eyes as she discovered I was going through the same problem I ad faced years ago. She picked up a towel and placed it against the cuts, causing me to whimper slightly. She held me head against her chest and rocked me back and forth. Little did she know that my terrifying past had come back to haunt me.  
  
  
  
  
  
Well shall I continue? I don't really know what this is yet, it just came to me. But then again that's how some of the best stories are written. If I get good reviews then I will defiantly continue. Go ahead it don't take that long. Press the button; you know you want to ;) 


	2. Thanksgiving

Hi people second chapter is now here. I really don't know where I'm going with but I've wanted to write a dark fic bout Chandler for ages so I started writing. Please review and tell me whether it's good or not. I agree with the person who said that a three year old wouldn't think about himself like that so I'll try not to do that this time.  
  
Disclaimer: what? I DON'T own them? OH MY GOD! Sorry that's just too much of a shock for me to handle.  
  
  
  
'Chandler, why are you doing this again?' Monica asked. I didn't think it was to me, more a general thinking out loud. A few years ago when I broke up with Kathy I started to hurt myself again. It was the first time that my friends knew of. I saw it as a way of converting all of my mental pain and anguish in to physical pain. Physical pain I can deal with. It's over quicker and out of my system. I remembered when I first felt real pain. The pain that I still live with, that drives me over the edge when I feel weak.  
  
  
  
'Chandler honey! Dinners ready' My mom called. I was watching TV with Lizzie. It was thanksgiving. I loved Thanksgiving. It was the time of year when everyone was happy. Dad usually wasn't drunk or violent and mom would be in a good mood. I switched of the TV and ran in to the dining room with Lizzie. Mom was there and for once she had put make-up on and had fixed her hair differently. She hardly ever made the effort anymore. It made me feel better knowing than mommy was happy. It was very unsettling for a young child to watch their mom cry. I'd never felt so helpless. It was meant to be your mom comforting you, not the other way around. Still Thanksgiving was different, everyone was happy.  
  
The door slammed and dad walked in to the dining room. I heart sank as I relied just how drunk he was. I can't remember a proper time when he was actually sober. He walked over to the table and barley glanced at all the food that had looked so delicious before he swept the table to the floor in one sweep of his hand. Lizzie screamed and I backed up against the wall, to scared to do anything else. Mom shouted at him. He stared strait at her and walked over to her. She started to back away from my dad as he approached her and even I knew what was coming. She flinched as he touched her face gently with his fingers, then he pulled back and slapped her. She fell to the ground and started shaking. He kicker her, punched her and stared to throw anything he could find at her. I was terrified. I wanted to run over and yell at him to stop but my body wouldn't do anything I told it to. I just stood there, backed against the wall quivering with fear. It was Lizzie that ran over to him. She screamed at him and hit his back as he continued to beat mom up. He turned around and looked strait in to Lizzie's eyes. At that moment everyone in the room knew what was going to happen. Sure enough it did. He struck out at Lizzie and sent her frail, battered body across the room. She hit the upturned table at a funny angle and lay motionless on the floor beside it. A scream rang out in the room and I didn't realise it was mine. I ran over to Lizzie and I saw the full extent of my father handy work.  
  
'Lizzie? Lizzie? Please get up. Dads coming. Be a good girl like you tell me to be good.' I whispered, crying my heart out. I'd never seen anything worse. Lizzie lay there motionless. Her face was very pale and blood was leaking out of mouth. Her head was turned at a funny angle and it was obvious her neck was broken. To my relief mom came over to look at her. She was crying and once again I felt more then helpless.  
  
'Oh my God. Lizzie, darling, if you can hear me sweetie please say something.' Nothing came from Lizzie and moms' sobs became louder and more painful. I was crying too. I didn't understand what was wrong. Why wouldn't she wake up? Dad walked across the room and swiftly knocked me and mom aside. He picked up Lizzie and then dropped her back down again. He sneered down at her and I realised things were defiantly bad this time. 'Stay away from us!' she said to my dad. She scooped me up in her arms and ran out of the house. Practically throwing me in the car she locked the door and ran round to the drivers side. I chanced a look back at the house and saw dad staggering afterwards. I knew that if he were a little more sober then he would reach us in no time. Mom turned the key in the car and sped off.  
  
A few hours later we had arrived in a rich neighbourhood. I vaguely remembered it as my moms' friends neighbour hood. Where she always took Lizzie and me on weekends. That was before dad started to hit her as well and for some reason she stopped taking us. She pulled up outside the house and carried me in.  
  
'It's going to be alright sweetheart. It'll be alright.' She whispered in my ear. The door opened and my moms' friend stood in the doorway. 'Oh Nora! Please help! I don't know what to do. Take Chandler for tonight. I'll ring in the morning and sort this all out. Whatever you do don't let anyone take him.' My mother said as soon as the door was opened. Nora's eyes were wide with shock as she saw me and my mom all battered and bruised on her doorstep. She took me in her arms and nodded. She understood the situation better then me it seemed.  
  
'Where's Lizzie?' she asked, but it was as though she already knew the answer.  
  
'He was really mad this time Nora. Went insane. She was trying to help me and now.' she trailed off and started sobbing. 'Look after Chandler and I'll speak to you tomorrow. She went back to the car and that was the last time I ever saw her.  
  
  
  
As Monica rocked me in her arms I calmed down. The self-harm therapy had worked and I didn't hurt as much. I ignored the phone when it rang and let the answer machine pick it up. I froze as I heard the voice come through the machine.  
  
'Chandler it's your father. I'd like to see you again. I know where you live now and I'll be round tomorrow. If your not there I'll catch you another time.' The voice sounded so normal, unthreatening and casual but to me it was my death sentence.  
  
'No!' I said, sharply pulling away from Monica. 'No! No he can't see me. No! He can't. I don't want to see him. I cant.' I said in desperation. The actual words I wanted to say wouldn't come out and I was uttering gibberish.  
  
'Chandler what's wrong? I think it would be good to speak to him again. Tie up old ends and start again.' I stared at her. She didn't understand. She didn't know. That wasn't the father she knew of. My real one. The one that had killed my sister all those years ago. Probably killed my mother as well. And now it seemed he would be after me.  
  
This seems like a cruel enough place to leave it. Unless I double the amount of reviews I have I shan't be continuing.  
  
I would like to take a moment and warn you against self-harm. I was one of the people who used to rely on this and I can tell you; it's not the thing to do. If you feel any desire to harm yourself speak to some one, a friend, parent or visit the www.selfharmalliance.org it's a really helpful site.  
  
-Vixie Bing 


	3. The Return

Hey I like writing this fic. I actually get reviews! Yey 4 me. I hope the site I added helped anyone who needed it. Please review this after you read it coz it really makes my day! Another thing that made my day was watching 'The whole nine yards' with Matthew Perry and Bruce Willis. It is such a great film I recommend it till I die.  
  
Thanx to Llew for always reviewing and cheering me up! I dedicate this to you.  
  
Disclaimer: you know it hurts to say I don't own them? It physically hurts! Still I'm getting Matthew Perry for my birthday this year. Wait, no, that was a dream I had. Yeah I also got Michael Owen. (For anyone who is NOT English he is a really fit footballer)  
  
  
  
'Chandler what's wrong? I think it would be good to speak to him again. Tie up old ends and start again.' I stared at her. She didn't understand. She didn't know. That wasn't the father she knew of. My real one. The one that had killed my sister all those years ago. Probably killed my mother as well. And now it seemed he would be after me.  
  
'Chandler? What's wrong?' Monica asked again. She had seen my expression and was concerned. I couldn't tell her. It would make everything different. My friends would think of me differently. I had worked so hard to make my life normal and keep all this away from them. They hadn't needed to know, maybe they did now. Monica was still looking at me. I had to say something. I took a deep breath.  
  
'Th-that wasn't the dad that I told you I had, that's my moms friends husband. The dad you heard there. well that's my actual dad. The biological one. The gay one is just my adopted one.' I stared at her and allowed it to sink in; I needed time to get over actually admitting it.  
  
'Chandler, you're adopted? Why didn't you-'  
  
'Mon. let me finish ok? It's. hard, complicated. My father was an alcoholic. He would go out drinking all day, spending all the money mom went out and earned during the day. When he was drunk he used to hit my mom, and my older sister. and me.' I paused again. It was hard admitting this had actually happened when I had spent over 25 years denying it to myself. Monica looked shocked, I couldn't blame her. She made a move which looked like she was going to touch my arm but didn't. 'Then, on Thanksgiving, he was really drunk. He smashed the dining table; he started to hit my mom. Lizzie, my sister, tried to stop him but he hit her as well. and killed her.' I stopped as the tears started to flow and sat down in one of the chair. I looked down at the scars on my arm and ran my finger over them. A small pain cried out from my arm and I relished in it.  
  
  
  
'Mommy! Don't leave!' I cried out as her figure retreated down the driveway. She didn't even look round. I buried my face in Nora's shoulder and sobbed harder. She held me comfortingly and took me inside the house. She tried to pit me down in one of the chairs but I wouldn't let go. I needed something to hang on to. All the confusion and worry and all the other emotions were all too much for me and I felt that if I let go I would fall.  
  
'Shh Chandler, it's ok. It'll be all right.' She kept repeating. I wanted to believe her but I felt too bad right then. Charles, Nora's husband, walked in to the room and looked at me, then to Nora, then back to me. Nora gave him a look that told him she'd tell him later. 'Come on Chandler let go, I need to ring the police.' I froze, I didn't like the police, dad always yelled at them and since dad was boss in my life they must be bad. True, things were always worse after the police left. I wouldn't let go and so she just rocked me in her arms until I cried myself to sleep.  
  
  
  
'Oh. Chandler-. I. I mean we. how could. why?' Monica stuttered. 'Chandler, why didn't you tell us?' she was now standing in front of me and staring down at me. She didn't realise that she was making me uncomfortable. I stood up sharply and ran to the door, locking it.  
  
'Monica, what do I do? Help please. I cant see him, I cant!' once more my mouth wouldn't let me say the things I wanted to and I was saying rubbish. Monica seemed to understand though. She walked over and dead-bolted the door so that I understood she would protect me. She wrapped her arms around me and I buried my head in her shoulder.  
  
'Chandler calm down. Is there anyone you can call? How about your adopted parents? Could they help?' I looked up at her and slowly nodded. Mom could help. Whatever happened when I was a kid, she was always there to comfort me. Subconsciously, I realised, I trusted he because she protected me after my mom abandoned me. I reached over and picked up the phone. I silently thanked whoever was listening that my mom was touring in New York that week. She had called a few days ago to leave her hotel number and I had put it on speed-dial, like I always did.  
  
'Hello?' I heard my moms voice on the phone and almost cried out loud again.  
  
'Mom it's me.' I stated. My voice was shaking and I had started sweating.  
  
'Chandler honey! I was wondering when you'd call. What's up babe?' she was as cheerful as ever and it made me feel better some how.  
  
'Mom I need you to come over. Right now.'  
  
'Chandler what's wrong.' Her voice was serious now; she could tell I was upset.  
  
'I'll tell you when you come over. I'll be at Monica's. Please be quick.' At that I started to shake and cry again. This couldn't be real. It couldn't. I had worked so hard to forget it and now.  
  
'I'll be there in about half an hour ok honey? I promise. Are your friends there?'  
  
'Yeah Monica's here.' At the sound of her name she reached over and touched my hand, sending me a comforting smile that made me feel better.  
  
'Ok. Bye'  
  
'Bye' she hung up the phone. I turned to Monica.  
  
'Sorry but I cant stay here tonight. Not when I know he knows I'm here.' Monica nodded in agreement and went over to open the door. I went with her and clung on to her hand. I knew I was being childish but I was scared. As we opened the door someone tripped over and landed on the floor. I screamed and leapt behind Monica.  
  
'Whoa it's just me.' Said Joey, lifting himself off of the floor. I started to shake violently and gripped on to Monica's hand more tightly.  
  
'Chandler calm down, it'll be all right. He can't hurt you now.' She led me over to her apartment and Joey followed. As Monica shut the door I went over and locked every lock I could find. Ross, Rachel and Phoebe, who were all over by the table, stared at me. I shrugged, trying to hide the fact that I was terrified and went over to sit down on the couch.  
  
'Um, while you were out Chandler, your dad came round.' I jumped up and stared at Rachel, who had spoken. 'You know he doesn't look like a drag queen, he's too.'  
  
'Manly.' Finished Phoebe. 'And he said that he'd drop by again around half seven tonight.' I looked at the clock. Shit! It was twenty past seven already.  
  
'What!' I yelled. My friends looked at me in shock. 'I cant see him! Don't you realise what he's done?' I was shaking violently and started to feel sick.  
  
This wasn't happening.  
  
My knees went weak.  
  
Thanksgiving.  
  
The room was swirling and spinning.  
  
Lizzie. Dead.  
  
There was a knock at the door and I yelled out, before falling to the floor. My world suddenly swam before my eyes and then disappeared in to blackness. 


	4. Panicing

Just a little note here to say that I'm not in the mood for writing so this may seem a little worse. Your reviews will maybe make me better. Oh and this is set in any season before London and Chandler isn't dating anyone. I forgot to mention that. Oh and please read and review my other fanfic 'scary friends' it took me ages to write. Its rated g but its not. I think its something like PG-13 but I'm English and have no concept of American ratings.  
  
  
  
  
  
I was awake, but my eyes were closed. I could hear what the people in the room were saying. I tried to fully wake up but I was too tiered.  
  
'Is that why he always hated thanksgiving then?' that was Phoebes voice. Sweet again, just like Lizzie.  
  
'Um you know, I would think it is! His sister getting killed like that.' Ross' voice answered. I thought about getting up, but then I remembered why I had my panic attack in the first place. My father. Even thinking about him could do this to me. I hated it. I was weak, proving all the taunts that my father had drilled in to me for the first five years of my life, which had stuck with me for the rest of my life.  
  
Finally I decide to get up. I would have to face my friends later anyway. I open my eyes and my friends' faces stared down at me. All of them mirrored the same looks on their faces; anxiety, worry and concern. I blinked and sat up. They all took a step backwards and stared at me as if I was on display at a zoo.  
  
'Sweetey, are you all right?' asked Monica, she knew why I was scared. 'It's ok, we told him you were out of town on business for a few weeks, he seemed to buy it.' I sighed with an instant relief and sank back to the floor. I closed my eyes and tried not to think. My dad wouldn't come here for another few weeks so I was safe until then, wasn't I? It didn't feel that way.  
  
'Dude, uh, Mon told us what you said about your dad.' Joey told me. I opened my eyes and looked at Monica. I didn't know whether to be grateful or shocked.  
  
'Thanks Mon.' I said sincerely, she seemed to relax knowing I wasn't mad. 'Sorry I freaked out like that. I guess he just has that effect on me.'  
  
  
  
I woke up on the sofa in a strange house. I recognized it, but it wasn't home. In a way I was relieved that I wasn't at home, if I wasn't at home then I wasn't near dad. But I was also worried. The last time I woke up somewhere that wasn't home it was in the hospital. My dad had pushed me down the stairs. Luckily I hadn't broken any bones but I needed to rest for a few days.  
  
I looked around and saw the vaguely familiar living room. I had visited here a few times before. My head ached from last night and I tried to think what had happened. A swirling nausea swept over me as I remembered. Lizzie, Mom, both gone. I cried out loudly. Everything was too overwhelming and I felt like someone was crushing me.  
  
Nora came running out to me and held me as I cried. She rocked me back and forth, comforting me in a way my mom had never. I cries went down to quiet sobs and she took me to the spare room that Lizzie and me always used to stay in when we visited. She lay me down on the bed and covered me with a blanket. I snuggled under it and tried to get away from the bad things that were happening.  
  
The phone rang and Nora went out of the room to answer it. I drifted off to sleep again.  
  
I woke up a few hours later, immediately I knew something was wrong. Nora and Charles were talking just outside my door in hushed voices, but I could hear them.  
  
'I don't think he's in any fit state to be told Charles! He's only five years old and already he's suffered more then any decent person should in their whole lives. I think we should tell him when he's older.'  
  
'When he's older it will be too late! He'll resent us for not telling him now! You just see.' With that Charles stormed off. I snuggled deeper in to my covers. Any time I was around adults they were arguing. My dad must be right, I thought, I'm a very bad person. This seemed right, everyone was always mad at me, apart from Lizzie.  
  
  
  
There was another knock at the door and I started to panic again.  
  
'Chandler sweety, it's me!' Nora's voice called through the door. I ran up to answer it, checking through the peephole first to make sure she was alone. I pulled the door open and pulled her in to a hug. She led me inside, without breaking the hug.  
  
'He was here wasn't he?' she said, guessing my dilemma instantly. I nodded and hung my head slightly, feeling somehow like I was in the wrong, the way I felt everytime he was around. 'Oh my baby.' She said and hugged me again. My friends looked on at us as I told her what he had said over the phone, and what excuse was made up this time.  
  
'I thought they put him in jail after killing Lizzie.' I said. That was true. A few days after I went to stay at Nora's they had a call saying that he had been sent away. Nora just looked uncomfortable. 'He was put away, wasn't he?' I asked. He had to be. They said.  
  
'Well, he was put away dear.' Nora said, and then she sighed and sat down at the kitchen table. 'You see a few days after you came to us he was put on trial. It was pretty quick and after a few days the trial had ended and he was sent to a mental institution. He had pleaded guilty with temporary insanity and got off with 15 years in a mental institution for the criminally insane.' I stared at her with disbelief. I couldn't believe she lied to me about this. 'Sorry sweety, I wanted to tell you but at the time you were just so. fragile I was worried about you. I was going to tell you when you were a bit older but then Charles decided he'd rather open a drag show in Vegas then be with us.'  
  
'I cant believe you'd lie to me like this! This was impotant!' I yelled. The pressure was mounting on me again and blackness was started to settle in. I fought it off and stared at Nora, the person who I had trusted my life to, the person who had just told me that the most important issue of my life was a lie.  
  
'Chandler, you don't understand-'  
  
'No you don't understand. You mean that for the last eight years of my life he could have come after me?' she started to speak again but I cut her off. 'And even when he was released you didn't tell me.' I needed to get out of there. To escape from reality and the stares of my friends, who were beginning to understand why I was so messed up.  
  
I got up from my seat and walked to the door.  
  
'Chandler! Where are you going?' Nora called; I ignored her and walked out. I ran down the stairs and out to the cool night. I didn't know where I was going to go, I just needed to be alone. Half an hour later I realised I was in the park. I sat down on a bench under a light and put my head in my hands. A shadow fell over me and I looked up and saw the person casting the shadow and the breath caught in my throat.  
  
My dad. 


	5. Caught

Ahh that's better. Parents have stopped fighting and now im feeling better. This one might be longer, might be shorter but I'll try to make to like 4 pages coz any longer and you wont hear from me for weeks ok? This'll be like the second or third from last chapter ok?  
  
Also I took a friends quiz that Llew sent me and it turned out that im like Chandler! Sweet (  
  
  
  
'Chandler! Where are you going?' Nora called; I ignored her and walked out. I ran down the stairs and out to the cool night. I didn't know where I was going to go, I just needed to be alone. Half an hour later I realised I was in the park. I sat down on a bench under a light and put my head in my hands. A shadow fell over me and I looked up and saw the person casting the shadow and the breath caught in my throat.  
  
My dad.  
  
I looked up at him. Instantly I knew he was drunk. He always was.  
  
'Hello, son.' He said. Again it was simple, normal thing to say but to me it sounded like a threat. The only time he spoke to me when I was a child was to either threaten me or shout insults to me. I stood up to face him. Coming out was a mistake. A big one. 'Why did your friends just say that you were out of town on a business trip son? Don't you want to see me?' he was swaying to and fro as he spoke. I thought of running but I needed to get this over with. Not like last time.  
  
  
  
It was a few years later and I was almost nine years old. I was playing in the park with my friends, the only ones that weren't bullying me. It was getting late and they were all getting called in before it got dark. There wasn't a particular reason these streets were safe. But there was something different about today. It was warm but the sun was totally hidden in the clouds all day. There was no activity out, just me and the few friends whose parents were letting them stay out. The park looked eerie in the hazy twilight and we decided to go in.  
  
I said goodbye to my friends who lived on the other side of the park and headed home. Nora was out at a book signing and I couldn't find the houseboy or Charles. That was becoming common now. I was home alone. That's how I liked it, no distractions from having fun and no rules. I walked in to the kitchen to get a drink.  
  
Standing by the sink was my dad. The door closed behind me and suddenly I felt trapped. There was nowhere to run. As he advanced on me I cowered by the door, just like old times, I thought.  
  
'Where is she?' he asked. His voice brought back many unwelcome memories, ones of a past I really wanted to forget, ones that were permanently etched into my brain. 'Where is she!' he shouted again.  
  
'I don't know.' I said, my voice shaking. I didn't know who he meant but if I said that I didn't know then maybe he would go away.  
  
'Don't lie to me you little freak!' he was standing above me now, the usual sight, fist raised, face red, shaking all over with rage. 'Tell me where you mother is!' he picked me up easily with one hand. Even after over three years I was still scared of him. Of course I was.  
  
'I don't know!' I shouted. I immediately wished I hadn't. He dropped me to the floor and I sank down, out of his reach. I could smell the alcohol on his clothes and remembered back to the times where that smell would creep up on me in the night. He bent down so we were eye level.  
  
'If you don't tell me where she is you little brat, then I'll come after you and break every tiny bone in your body. Then I'll lock you away for disobeying me and you'll never get to come out and be the failer that you will eventually become.' His words drilled themselves in to my head, so that I would remember them forever. 'Because you will never amount to anything, no one will ever love you, that's why they all leave you. Even your own parents don't want you.'  
  
The front door slammed but I knew better then to get my hopes up. Dad was more powerful then anyone else that could be the one walking through the door. Dad noticed the door slamming too and he got back up and looked me square in the eye.  
  
'If anyone finds out I was here Chandler, you know what'll happen.' He said and then left out the back door.  
  
  
  
'Why are you here?' I said, I tried to sound brave but my voice was shaking.  
  
'Can't a father come and see his only son?' he said. There was a trace of self-pity in his voice, as if I was the one driving him away, I was bad, he was good. But that's how it used to be.  
  
'You never wanted to see me before, so why now?' I was getting braver; I felt I could handle him now.  
  
'You don't understand what it was like Chandler. Every day having to come home to the same people, the same annoying kids, the same nagging wife who made no secret in the fact that she didn't love me any more. I was driven to drink. And that made me do stupid things. You have to understand what it was like Chandler. Don't ever tell me you never found it hard sometimes.' I knew better then to take pity on him.  
  
'Yes I found it hard sometimes but I would never so what you did.' I spat at him.  
  
'Chandler, I came here to try and talk to you. I've changed now and want to make things better between us. Give us another chance Chandler. Please. Don't you think we deserve it?'  
  
'I deserve it! You don't deserve anything. I don't owe you and I hate you! I never want to see you again. Just leave and don't come anywhere near me, ever!' I shouted. People in the park had begun to stare but it didn't bother me, I was winning! I was winning over my father. I felt great. My dad just stared at me but I had nothing else to say so I walked off. I decided to go home. I was safer home.  
  
'Chandler wait!' My dad called. I looked round at him. There was a look in his eyes that brought a flicker of fear back to me. It was the look he always got whenever he was mad, but couldn't show it. His eyes showed it all though. He walked up to me so we were standing eye to eye. My instinct was to run but I stood my ground, convincing myself that I could do this. 'You will never get rid of me Chandler. Just remember that. I'll be seeing you soon.' Then he walked away.  
  
I stood by the bench in the park for a while, thinking when I would see him again. The time when I was nine wasn't the only time that I ran in to him. It seemed that he really wanted to see my mom again and thought I knew where she was. I hadn't seen her since that thanksgiving when she abandoned me.  
  
I started to walk home. I felt I would be safer there, even if he did know where I lived, my friends were there. As I reached the park gates I saw Monica.  
  
'Chandler!' she yelled, running up to me and hugging me. I cried out slightly as she touched the scars on my arm. 'Oh, sorry honey. Chandler where'd you go? Everyone's out looking for you. It's not safe to be out here with your father after you. Nora explained why he was after you.' She paused and looked at me. 'You don't know where she is do you?' I stared at her.  
  
'No! I don't Monica. I haven't seen her since she abandoned me. And even if I did see her I wouldn't sell her out to that psychotic maniac.' I pushed past her and walked back home.  
  
'Chandler!' she called after me and started to follow me. She had to run to keep up. 'Chandler, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.'  
  
'Listen Mon I need to be alone.'  
  
'But with him after you it's not safe to be alone.'  
  
'I just met him. Im still alive now aren't I?' I looked at her. There was genuine concern in her eyes. Something no one has ever felt for me before. I calmed down a bit before I continued. 'Monica if you really want to help me then you can come with me.' I offered. Monica smiled. It seemed to mean a lot for her to help me. We walked back to my apartment. The knife was still on the kitchen counter top. Monica sighed when she saw it and I shrugged.  
  
'I'll clean this while you go and get me some of that ointment thing in my bathroom ok?' I nodded and went to get it. I was feeling a little better now. I had stood up to my father. I knew I hadn't won; it was imposable to win when you knew he could still come after you.  
  
I found the ointment and went back to my apartment. Monica wasn't where I had left her.  
  
'Monica?' I called out. There was no answer. I started to get scared. I looked around and noticed there must have been a scuffle. A few plates were knocked to the floor and the knife was no longer there. A bottle of alcohol sat on the counter top.  
  
Suddenly my dad appeared from around the corner, holding the knife to Monicas' throat. She was terrified.  
  
'I told you I'd see you soon. A pity you won't listen. Now say good bye to your friend.'  
  
  
  
This seems like a cruel place to leave it for the moment. Please review or else I wont continue (now that WOULD be cruel HAHAHAAAAAAAAA) 


	6. Saviour

Suddenly my dad appeared from around the corner, holding the knife to Monicas' throat. She was terrified.  
  
'I told you I'd see you soon. A pity you won't listen. Now say good bye to your friend.'  
  
  
  
Scared didn't come close to what I was feeling just then. Terrified didn't even reach it. Monica was my best friend. She helped me whenever I needed it and made me feel so much better hen anyone could ever make me feel. Now she was under threat and he had to save her. But this threat was something I couldn't handle. But I had to face up to it now, for Monica.  
  
'Chandler!' Monica called out to me, pleading at me with her eyes. I had to do this. I had stood up to him just a little while ago! I could do it again.  
  
'What do you want from me?' I asked, trying to sound brave but my voice was shaking from fear. He stared at me with an evil grin on his face. He was definatly drunk; I could smell it on his breath from where I was.  
  
'Tell me where your mother is!' He yelled. 'Tell me now, if I don't get what I want then I'll kill her!' He pushed the knife closer to Monicas' neck and she cried out. I flinched at her cry; I couldn't stand it when she was in pain.  
  
'I promise you! I really don't know where she is.' I yelled back, almost crying with frustration. I didn't know the one thing that would save my friend.  
  
'I don't believe you!' He spat at me. 'I'm giving you one last chance.' Monicas' eyes pleaded with me again.  
  
'I wouldn't risk one of my friends who love me for someone who abandoned me! If I knew where she was I would tell you but I haven't seen her since I was five years old. Please, you have to believe me.' Now I was pleading. My dad could tell this and was glad. He always enjoyed making people beg and plead with him. I supposed it made him feel more powerful. I couldn't stand it any more. I snapped and yelled at him.  
  
'You're pathetic! You think all of this proves your better then everyone else just because you can push people around. It's not big. Without alcohol you have nothing! You lost your family because of it, you lost your job, any friends you may have had and any respect anyone may have had for you.' I paused to catch my breath and noticed the quarter full bottle of vodka on the side and grabbed it. 'You want this?' I said, tipping the bottle slightly. My dad looked up, obviously torn between trying to overpower me and his beloved drink. 'Well, you can't have this.' Instead of tipping it away I put my mouth to the bottle and downed it all within seconds. Sudden waves of nausea swept over me and I almost fell over.  
  
'That was a big mistake boy!' he yelled. He dropped Monica and lunged towards me with the knife. I was ready for him though. Through the misty haze that had blurred my vision I slammed the empty bottle against the side of the counter and was prepared to use it as my weapon. I grabbed the wrist of the arm that held the knife and tried to force him away. But the vodka had gone strait to my head and I found I couldn't function properly. I was feeling flushed and couldn't balance. I felt despair as I realised I couldn't win, my father was stronger. I would never win.  
  
'Freeze!' The voice of an angel came from the doorway. I looked up and saw my saviour. A young woman, maybe a few years older then me was standing by the door holding a gun. She was a police officer, backed up by a squad of three other people. She looked familiar, though I couldn't put my finger on where I had seen her before. The men rushed over and surrounded my dad, who gave up easily considering the struggle it always took me to face him. As two of the men took him away the other officer and the young woman walked over to Monica and I. The young woman stood close to me and helped me up from where my dad had pushed me to the ground.  
  
'Chandler?' she said to me, her eyes wide.  
  
'Um, yeah. Do I know you?' I asked, the familiarity was disturbing. There was something about her, her eyes and voice. All seemed all too memorable. There was something not quite right about it.  
  
'Chandler, it's me, Lizzie. Remember?' My heart stopped. Lizzie? That was impossible. My knees went weak and she led me over to the chairs. Monica was already sitting in one, being calmed down by the other officer. I stared up at 'Lizzie'. I finally found my voice to speak.  
  
'You cant be Lizzie. She's dead.' I said, my voice beginning to shake again.  
  
'Chandler, Honey.' She said, almost sadly. 'I didn't die. Mom thought I was dead but I supposed I was just knocked out. Anyway, I was told what happened. After Mom took you and ran out Dad ran after you. Mrs Seymour next door had heard the fight and came round as soon as she heard dad leave. She took me to the hospital and tried to track you and Mom down. We couldn't find you.' She looked at me for the first time since she had started talking. Her eyes were full of grief. 'I found out later that you had gone to Nora and Charles' and your name got changed to Bing.'  
  
'Wow. Oh my God.' I couldn't speak, I was numb with shock. 'Um, how did you find me now?'  
  
'Well I joined the police force a few years ago and I came across this case and decided to take it on. Once I found out he was after you, my baby brother, I did everything I could to find out what he'd do. I saw what you did tonight Chandler and that was brave. You stood up to him and I am so proud.' She smiled at me and I smiled back. My sister. I couldn't believe it. 'I saw you once before, remember? I don't think you recognized exactly who I was other wise you would have caught on that I was still alive.' I frowned at her. Where had I seen those familiar eyes before?  
  
  
  
It was in collage, halfway through my first year. Ross had just meet up with Carol and were getting along great. I had my own girlfriend, Kelly. She was beautiful, with long black hair and green eyes. Looking back she reminded me of Monica. It was spring break and the four of us went to New York City for a few days. We weren't the type to go out partying all the time and wanted a good, fun holiday. I wanted to visit some of the sites, like central park and the statue of Liberty, Ross wanted to go to the museums there and the girls wanted to hit the shops. It was on my second day and I went for a walk in the park. There was a fountain in the middle of the park where you could sit for hours and the whole city would just pass you by. As I sat there I became oblivious to anything else until a girl sat next to me. She had the same expression on her face that I suppose I had. She stared in to nothing for a long time. I sat there staring at her. She was beautiful, and recognizable. I felt as if I knew her, but I thought that if I had ever met her before I was sure I'd remember.  
  
After a while she noticed me staring at her. Her eyes looked deep in to mine and she seemed to realise something. Before I could open my mouth to speak to her Ross had found me. He grabbed my arm and led me away. The girl on the fountain smiled at me and waved goodbye.  
  
  
  
I looked back up at Lizzie. It was really her.  
  
'There's nothing to worry about anymore Chandler. Dad's going away for a very long time now.' She smiled down at me. I heard sniffling coming from the doorway. Ross, Rachel, Phoebe Joey and Nora had come to the door and was watching the scene of brother and sister reunited. I grinned at them as they came in. Monica was in the chair next to me. She seemed ok, just a little shocked.  
  
'But, what happened to Mom?' I asked Lizzie after a while. Her smile vanished and she suddenly looked sad.  
  
'I didn't find this out until a few years ago but she committed suicide.' She said in a barely audible whisper. I wrapped my arms around her and bought her in to a hug.  
  
  
  
It was a few weeks later and the gang and I, including Lizzie were coming out of the courtroom after hearing my Dads' sentence. Nine years minimum in prison for attempted murder, breaking and entering, five house robberies and resisting arrest. There were a few more cases up against him and we had only heard a few. Dad was a very bad person, I learned.  
  
Over the last few weeks I had been in absolute heaven. My secret was out, I had nothing else to hide from my friends, I was reunited with my sister and Monica and I had grown closer. We were beginning to date and I couldn't be happier. Ross pretended to be ok but I knew it bothered him. And now my dad was in prison and I was free from fear of him.  
  
Life was perfect.  
  
  
  
Oh my God I am SO going to miss writing this! Now that you've read the whole thing please review. I really want to know what you think of the ending. Thanx for reading it all the way through and hitting the back button at the first chance ( 


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